First Child

And no, I don’t mean I’d have my first baby — first to all I don’t have a boyfriend o any kind of relationship so I can’t — but I would talk on my perspective of being the first child of my parents and how does it make me feel.

Don’t get me wrong I really love my parents but sometimes I just feel that I’m not good enough, that any of my decisions aren’t right and I keep lost. I have read somewhere that parents with their first child are more strict — I get it, no one born knowing how to be a parent — than the other kids they have, we are the "lab rat" the one they tried and if it works you use on the rest.

Personally I can relate to that, I remember that when I was a kid, I used to think that my parents didn’t want me, I was mostly scolded and believe me I was a really quiet kid, even sometimes I planned on runaway from home — just planing on going to my grandparents or any of my uncles or aunts house — thinking they would be better without me, but never didn’t.

Anyway the point is that no matter what I do, how good my grades are or anything, somehow a little attitude or something my parents didn’t liked and they scold me and I feel the worst. Psychology there’s a theory about that, it’s mainly about order of birth but the first born are pressured to have success, be perfect as a reflection of the parents success. Let me tell you that in my opinion that’s true and it’s mostly proofed by my mum, since I was little she wants us to have good notes, be polite, have good behaviour and liked said that we were good kids. I still feel pressure to that, be the best have and amazing career and be the example, but my parents hate and make me shut when I said "I don’t what I want to do when I graduate from Uni" but it’s the true and I’m not the only one on the same situation.

I know that maybe there’s more than just that but I believe that me being the first child, can be a factor of me feeling this way with my parents, when it comes to big decisions or things that can define my future, I have the final voice but always feel that they need to approve my choice, I mean my parents are more relaxed on most topics and they want the best to me, it’s true they want you to save you from pain but sometimes you need to be lost and be on pain to grown.

I want to know if it’s only me or there’s someone else feeling a bit like me on the world.

P.S. Sorry for the delay, but Uni have got me busy.

Mitchie.

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